I’ve been trying to live each day with a positive mindset, armed with the voice on the back of my head telling me on the daily how everything will be fine and some people have it worst. It’s been going good so far, but I can’t deny the fact that sometimes the complications of life get to me… I’m sure I’m not the only one.
As each day passes, the time I have left in university shortens. I’m excited to finish but at the same time, there’s a sadness that’s lingering. I can’t pinpoint exactly what’s making me feel this way. It’s like I’ve been looking forward to being out of education for the longest time but now that it’s about to happen I’m filled with sadness, fear, and anxiety. It’s bittersweet. I guess it’s okay to feel this way because of the pandemic that’s going on? I don’t know.
I guess another factor would be that we would soon be moving, if everything goes to plan *financially* that is! I’ve been saving up since my 2nd year in uni but I have the worry that it won’t be enough to cover the deposit and job opportunity-wise, I don’t think there’s a lot going around at the moment especially in my field. I honestly wouldn’t mind working non-related to my course but I guess my anxiety always gets the better of me, especially in interviews :( which sucks! I guess I’ll just have to face it when it comes.
Anyway, I have been isolated for the past year, by that I mean with family. We do go out but only for essentials but other than that it’s been lonely. I sometimes get this feeling that this pandemic happening is somewhat of a good thing for me? I don’t mean that in an offensive way I know a lot of people have died and a lot has also lost their jobs… but for me, it gave me a chance to be alone with my thoughts, shutting out the noise of the outside world. It’s made me more confident in a way and my grades have also improved. I don’t know I’m just spewing out thoughts here… Although it has been good in that sense, it has made me more anxious, I’m actually dreading when things go back to normal and I would have to face more people again. The isolation has gotten me so used to the alone-ness and quietness it’ll be weird for when things get back to normal. As with everything, I guess i’ll just have to face it when it comes.
-S
