I’ve told myself countless times that I’m over it, but I just keep coming back to you for some reason. There’s something in me that still can’t let you go, even though it hurts, even though everything is so damn complicated. I don’t know what it is about you, I don’t know what you’ve done to me. I feel so…stupid that I keep hoping for something to happen, I keep hoping for you to finally say something about it but I’ve been getting nothing. I’ve waited so long and I still keep waiting… when will I finally stop? When will be the time that I get tired of you? There are times when I try to hate you but that don’t last long, for some reason I can’t… which frustrates me even more.
We keep going back and forth. I don’t understand anymore… are you doing this on purpose or is it just really all in my head? It must be if it’s getting this bad that I’m actually taking my time to think about it and writing about it. While on the other hand, nothing seems to bother you. I must be going crazy!
Why do you do this to me? Why do you make me feel like this after all this time? Why does it have to be like this? Why can’t it be? Those are the kind of questions that are constantly running through my head, it makes me feel sick. It’s not just emotionally draining but physically and mentally I’m exhausted. I want to stop so bad but I don’t know where to start. You show and make me feel things that I can’t describe.
I feel like a monster.
-S
